I feel like this is something that deserves more recognition than I can give it right now. I want to take one last late night walk around the campus in the rain but it’s all so eerily vacant that it would only serve to enhance the fear of being alone I’m experiencing right now. Every time I hugged a friend tonight to say goodbye I felt the grip of chronic anxiety tighten on my chest and my stomach.
It’s certainly not goodbye for good. I say that and they say that. We look for ways to make it seem not so bad because, yeah, nobody’s dying. But it’s goodbye to lazy nights in the lounge. It’s goodbye to organized efforts at eating dinner. It’s goodbye to naps on each other’s beds and goodbye to LGBTA meetings. I’m saying goodbye to seeing these people every day. They’re my family here. They’re not going to stop being my family when I’m anywhere else. No matter how many times I visit won’t really matter. It’s the end of a chapter in my life. An unfortunately short one when you consider how many times I had to jump around to find the right school.
With that in mind, I find myself thinking about my last nights in those schools. I don’t remember either of them. In fact, I remember very little of anything. I left those schools to make friends and memories. I’ll remember tonight’s game of Cards Against Humanity, I’ll remember the Lavender Reception a few weeks ago and my wonderful birthday at Marcella’s before that. I’ve got drag shows and board games, old stories and adventures. This may all be bittersweet, but I’m all about the full story—this is a good one. I went looking for the solution to my loneliness and I found it.
So this is the end for college and me. It’s the end of all night paper writing sessions. It’s the end of shitty dining hall meals with good company. It’s the end of casual sex on stiff twin beds. I’m going to have to grow up, but I don’t see the harm in leaving a little bit of myself here. I’m going to be taking this place with me, after all.
In the grand scheme of things, two years isn’t a very long time. Even so, I’ve got enough good memories to cheer me up for a very long time. I think I’ll spend this last night as I normally do, using them to drift off to sleep. Goodnight.
- Lady Olenna: look everyone's a little bit gay
- Tywin: no they fucking aren't
- Lady Olenna: well maybe not at Incesterly Rock they're not
That episode where you find out that a member of the zany villain squad actually has a heartbreaking past, which includes a bit where he pushes himself to perform a feat that has never been done before and has never been done since, all for the sake of love, only to be rejected as a freak.
This is, without a doubt, the best moment in Spongebob Squarepants history.
this is my always reblog.
- Me: Okay, paper writing!
- Lexa: ...yeah.
- Me: Oh, look, shirtlessness outside!
- Us: *watching creepily from on high*
- Guy outside: *puts shirt on*
- Us: Nooooooooooo!